Coming Home

Family has always played a big part of my summers growing up. Heat and cousins were synonymous. Since that time, I'm closer and more comfortable with cousins than friends. Or rather, my closest friends are in my family tree. Even if it's a grafted branch. Who better to commiserate about the absurdities of parents, but the people who probably experience the exact same idiosyncracies?

Within hours of being back in Ohio I was hugging both sisters, my mom, an aunt and uncle, and my two nephews. I don't think my younger nephew Nema recognized me. His older bother Kaveh gave me a big hug and smile. Such a great feeling. But Nema held back behind his mother's legs and gave a cautious smile.

He warmed up to me in a short time. Now he frequently jumps into my lap. My favorite is the first moment he's awake each morning. I'll be up eating breakfast or watching the news and he comes down stairs, all smiles and giggles. He's very social.

When I was about 4 years old, my family took a trip to Toledo to visit Aunt Verna. I remember my sisters being very happy about the trip, and I caught some of their enthusiasm. But, after the 90 minute drive I grew cautious. Verna was my grandfather's sister. In my young mind though, I had confused her with my grandmother's sister Vera.

At 4, I knew and loved Vera. She had dark hair, wore Keds and glasses, drank wine and laughed. She was born on the island, but lived in Cincinnati. She said she didn't like to be touched, but looked in your eyes when she spoke. Where my grandmother was crazy scary, Vera was crazy fun. I can't remember a time when I didn't know Aunt Vera. She came up to the island multiple times every summer. She told stories about the islands and knew the histories of every home and family.

When we pulled up to the home in Toledo my sisters ran to a strange woman. She had thick red hair and wore a pant suit with a matching purse. She smelled of perfume and hugged us tightly. I didn't know who she was. I was expecting Vera. I didn't want to get out of the car.

Eventually my sisters and parents convinced me to meet this woman. She won me over with multiple hugs and ice cream. But the initial feelings of confusion and shyness I haven't forgotten. For better, her hugs became more familair as the visits became annual.

And so, it's been two years since Nema last saw me. I don't know if he'll remember re-meeting me in Columbus, but I hope he'll recall later the smiles he gave me each morning this week.

Like my own childhood, this week has been a juggernaut of family. In addition to the large group retrieving me from the airport, I've been lucky to reconnect with two more aunts, three more uncles, and 22 cousins (1st through 2nd-once removed), not to mention visits to two cemeteries. Like my own childhood we've caught lightening bugs, watched fireworks, played board games, gone on bike rides, boat rides, car rides. This time around though I'm one of the adults. Sort of.

I'm still at times that kid sitting in the car hoping there's been a mistake and that the universe will follow expectations., but trying to muster the courage to accept that things might be better.